Finally moving forward

I am so far behind on posts, it’s a little discouraging.  I actually began this post in December, lol.  While it is months overdue,  I had a lot less free time than I thought I would while I was pregnant.  I was working, have a busy, picky, non-potty training toddler, and basically one day off per week that I had to get most errands/doctors appointments squeezed into.   Then in much of my free time in the last few months, I was trying to get a nap in here and there.   That’s my story and I’m stickin to it.

I covered our wonderful pregnancy news in a prior post.  We were so surprised and excited to finally be pregnant again.  I was working in a small spa that catered to pregnant women, and it worked out perfect for me.  The spa was owned by a group of perinatal specialists, some of the best in the city.  The spa owner recommended one of the doctors to see if I became pregnant.  I actually saw him before my own OB, around 6 weeks,  mostly because I was an employee and had had prior losses.  They specialize in all types of high risk pregnancies as well as women with prior losses.  He felt confident we would get to take this baby home and was amazing throughout the entire pregnancy.

I chose to stay with my OB (love him and his staff!) and have him deliver me, as he did my  prior C-sections.  I would then see the specialist for all monitoring and ultrasounds.  That would happen regardless due to my advanced maternal age.   The specialist had put me on Lovenox blood thinner shots daily.  Those were not fun, but they were necessary as a precaution because I have 2 blood disorders that were found after I lost Isabella.  We never found a reason why she passed, so this was the best way to prevent any minor clots, which may have possibly been the cause.

Everything was going very smoothly.  Hubby and I talked a lot in the beginning about not being crazy worried or having constant anxiety through this whole pregnancy because that isn’t good for me or the baby.  What happens will happen, and we will do all that we can to bring this baby home.  We had genetic testing done around 11 weeks and were able to find out that we were having another boy!  A little brother for Max!  Granted, I cried the rest of the day when we found out he was a boy, but it was almost like we had to grieve her loss again.  My husband felt the same way that day, just sad about the loss of our daughter and a potentially another daughter.  The next morning we both got up feeling good about having 2 boys that will hopefully be great brothers to each other.  That, of course, opened up more talk about trying for a third…yikes!

As we settled into the thought of boys, and the many doctor appointments, we grew more and more excited.  I was huge immediately, had people guessing I was pregnant as soon as 14 weeks.  By the time I reached 32 weeks, I was as big around as when I had Max.  The pregnancy was highly uncomplicated.  I did end up with my fluid being on the high side in my third trimester, but at 32 weeks I began 2x/week monitoring and they just kept an eye on it.  It definitely made me larger and more uncomfortable sooner than I was used to.   Most days I felt great (light) in the morning, and by late evening felt like I had gained 10 extra pounds that day!

We were having a scheduled repeat C-section and the doctors agreed that 38 weeks was a good time to do it.  37 weeks is considered by most to be full term, but the specialist felt that the extra week would most likely (in his past experience) keep baby out of the NICU.  Around the 35 week mark we were able to schedule you for May 17th.   That would be 37 weeks and 6 days.  We were so excited, just a few weeks left to go.

We arrived at the hospital at 3:30, with the surgery scheduled for 5:30 pm.  That day was long for me, mostly because I was nervous, and I couldn’t eat or drink anything (even water) since 9:30am.  That was completely my choice, because the other time option was 2 days later and I didn’t want to wait that long.   We were put in a room right away and they immediately prepped me for surgery.  The nurses were awesome and had me ready to go in about a half hour.  The labs were ordered, now we just wait.  The anesthesiologist came to speak to us, he was very cool.  Then we waited some more.  Finally at around 5:15, my OB came in to say hello and ask if we had any questions and went over what was going to happen.  Ten minutes later we were walking down to

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the OR.

From the moment my OB came in to my room to say hi, I had been shaking.  So nervous and scared.  Even though I’d done this twice before they were both very different circumstances.  With Max, I had been in labor for nearly 24 hours when I finally went into the OR, and with Isabella, we were still in shock, I think, so I really don’t even remember much of that one until my husband was holding her next to me.  They began cleaning my back for the epidural and it was discovered that they were missing some of the blood work and had to call down to the lab to have it run stat.  He would not administer the epidural until he saw everything was good.  That made me feel good.  They called my husband in to sit down and we basically chatted in the OR for probably ten minutes before the lab called up with the results.  Then it was underway.

Owen Parker

Getting a spinal block is one of the most awkward, uncomfortable feelings I’ve ever had.  The pressure, not the needle stick, that you feel in the spine just gives me the willies.  I still remember that feeling from last time.  My doctor is amazing and walked me through everything as it happened and that really helps.  Gary got to sit in and watch the whole thing.  I had waves of nausea from the meds, which the anesthesiologist took care of right away.  I got nauseous all 3 times, but this time I actually was dry heaving.  So strange, being awake with you arms tied down and having no control over anything.  Things seemed to be going well, same as before.  The anesthesiologist kept checking on me, he was great, and he let Gary know if he wanted to see the baby being born, to stand up and watch.  To my surprise, he did.  I thought for sure I would see my husband hit the floor, but he didn’t.  He said it was the most amazing thing he’s ever seen.  Baby Owen was born at 6:07pm.

Our Rainbow is here!

He cried immediately but sounded really gurgly (is that a word?) and that worried me.  It took a minute but they cleared it and he was great.  Bright red baby with lots of really dark hair, just like his sister had.   They took hubby and baby to get him cleaned up and I waited to be sewed up.  At one point I heard my doc say something about a lot of bleeding.  They were having trouble stopping some bleeding by my pubic bone, so it took an extra 20-30 minutes to get me back to the room to see the baby.   When I got back into the room he was doing skin to skin with daddy which was so sweet, then I finally got to hold my second baby boy.  It felt so amazing and scary, and we were relieved and terrified at the same time.  That parental responsibility that never goes away was intensified by a million in that moment.  As was my love for my children and family.  This was a long and challenging road for us, but was worth every second the day he was born.

We now face the question from everyone-are you going to try for a third child, or a girl?  Right now, I think we are planning on it, maybe early next year.  So far we are taking this one day at a time and really enjoying our new baby while he’s so very tiny and perfect.  People think we are crazy to try again or have three kids and we just don’t see it like that.  These are mostly people that had one girl and one boy and decided to be done.  I know my hubby wants a baby girl and I think we should try for one and see what happens.  We are also ok having three boys.   The best thing I’ve heard came from my sister who said…No one ever regrets having a third kid, but many people regret NOT having them.  So if it happens, we will be ecstatic, and if it doesn’t, we will love our family of four just the way it is.

 

Max, year 2

So much change this year!

I can’t even believe my baby boy is 3!

Year two was so amazing and he has grown up so much!  We were still grieving the loss of his little sister when he turned 2.  It’s still hard some days, and it always will be, but we feel like we haven’t bottled any of it up and are doing well.

Silly little puppy

One of the first things I attempted after his second birthday was potty training him.  I really tried very early, and based on what I had read, I thought it was worth a shot.  I wrote about that here.  He did so well for a number of weeks, got to the wearing undies or shorts stage and did well, then woke up one day about 3 weeks in and decided he was going to pee his pants and he was not going to sit on his potty anymore.  After struggling another week or so, it was clear that he was going to hold out and resist me, so he went back to diapers and we are still there.  Not really a big deal to me, but I would love to be done with them.

His vocabulary really took off this year and he was able to communicate with us much easier.  That made his day to day temperament much more tolerable, for all of us.  He was using a lot of short phrases which have now turned into full sentences.  Around March the Mine! phase began.  Everything was his.  He didn’t go overboard with that, thank goodness, and moved on to more appealing phrases.  Some of my favorites through year 2…

‘Scooz me!’      ‘I chase you.’      ‘Mom, Daddy comin!’     ‘Awww,C’mon…..’   ‘I hold you’ (which really means pick me up)      ‘I did it!!!’    ‘Good job Mom!’     ‘I pooped.’      ‘Oh, that’ll be fun.’   When he gets in trouble he started telling us, ‘be nice to Max’ and occasionally would say- ‘I’m gonna spank your butt’- if he didn’t like being disciplined.   A common sentence we hear is-‘Gonna go bounce house, and tunnels, and trains.’  The bounce house is the playroom at the gym, the tunnels is the indoor playground he loves and the trains is actually a RR about a half hour away.   He says them all together at the same time like we will do them all in the same day.

He’s been loving his Daddy time this year, which is amazing for my husband.  We hear a lot of ‘Daddy, come play’, and ‘Daddy, no go work.’ He loves going to play in the park and loves playing with bigger kids.  He’s becoming more fearless, climbing, jumping, he loves to spin around, trying to jump and throw and catch different types of balls.

He was very into trains for most of this year.  He had a slight obsession with Thomas the Train for many months.  His second birthday party was Choo, Choo I’m 2.  Lots of fun.  After purchasing lots of trains, tracks and a Thomas table for him to play on at Christmas, he lost a little interest in trains and turned to Mickey Mouse Roadster Racers around the New Year.  My nephew then introduced Paw Patrol around his 3rd birthday and we are currently obsessed with that.

Another big milestone for him this year was losing the crib, and the binky!  We removed the front of his crib and put the toddler railing on around August, so he went a good 2.5 years without climbing out of his crib.  For an entire month, he never even got out of his crib, even though he was able to.  Everything in his room is secured to the wall, and his doorknob is reversed so at night we lock it from the outside so he can’t roam the house.   Sometime just before Christmas we put his big boy race car toddler bed in his room.  It took a little getting used to, but he did great.  Some nights he still doesn’t want to stay in bed, so he’ll crawl out and sit behind the door.  That makes me sad when he does that, because I know he’s tired and I just want him to get some sleep.  We got rid of the binky sometime in November, partly because the pediatrician and dentist did recommend it.  And honestly, it was time.  He was only using it for nighttime sleep, but I was dreading the transition.  Turns out it was fine.  I don’t even remember him crying for it.

17 weeks at Christmastime

Another big change in our house is that we are expecting our third child, another little boy.  He is getting excited to be a big brother and now he is old enough to understand (mostly) what is happening.  At the time of this post (I’m so far behind) I am nearly 31 weeks and doing great.  More of that in another post.

We  couldn’t be more proud of our little man.  He’s changed and grown so much in this last year and looks like a little boy now, no longer a baby-faced toddler.  I love listening to him sing songs, explain the pictures in his books or tell me what’s happening in the Paw Patrol episode.  Still so innocent (most of the time) and sweet, he fills me with joy every single day.

Secondary Infertility…that’s really a thing?

We have always been fortunate when it comes to pro-creating. We have been pregnant three times and were able to get pregnant the very first cycle we decided to try. I would say we are quite the fertile team, hubby and I. Then, after losing our last two pregnancies in 2015, one being a stillbirth at 36 weeks, we had to take a few months off to heal and grieve.

When we were ready to start trying again, it was actually a couple of months sooner than my doctor would have liked.  I had a 2nd C-section with our loss and he prefers about 18 months between births-mostly so that I could build up all the lost vitamin and mineral stores I had lost being pregnant.  We were not going to wait 9 months to start trying, we assumed we would get pregnant fairly quickly.  You know what they say about assuming…

I was losing weight, but very slowly, and working out again here and there.  I should’ve kicked my workouts way up in the spring, but really didn’t.  Again, I was planning on becoming pregnant again very soon and figured it was pointless at this time.  I wasn’t heavy, but had 10 lbs. to lose.

Each cycle came and went.  I was tracking them with a digital ovulation monitor and earlier in the year, had a couple  anovulatory  cycles.  This definitely worried me, but they seemed to get back on track by the time we were ready to try.  March, April and May went by, doing everything right and no dice.  Right around June I decided to start taking my basal body temperature each morning because that would actually show me that I had indeed ovulated.  It would take a couple of months to show a great pattern, but the temp shift was showing ovulation.

At this point, we had tried about 4 cycles and my clock was ticking loudly.  I just wanted a sibling for Max, before he became too old to really enjoy a sibling due to an age gap.  I was getting a little worried, because of our history of this being an easy task for us.  Suddenly, it wasn’t.  We were experiencing secondary infertility.  More than 1 million couples struggle with secondary infertility.  Basically, we had a child (or two), and all attempts after that child had proven to not work out.   Granted, it was a short time at this point, but is still the same thing.  I was paying more attention to my cycle than ever and for no known reason, we weren’t able to conceive.

The reasons behind this could be just about anything.  At 39, maybe my eggs were getting old?  Maybe my hubby was suddenly not functioning on all levels, or maybe he had a prostate infection?  Sperm count declines, eggs become not viable, or too few.  Was it stress from the want and need to have another baby after our loss?  Was it the extra 10 lbs I was still carrying or a thyroid issue I didn’t know about?  It could be irregular ovulation or scarring from 2 C-sections.   The not knowing in this situation totally sucks.

I had a really good idea it had to do with either scarring or just irregular cycles on my part.  We did have my husband do a semen analysis in July, just to ease our minds and get the focus down to me.  We figured if we were on our way to needing a specialist, that is the first thing they would ask us to do, and it wasn’t expensive at all.  It, of course, came back amazing.  I began doing acupuncture for fertility to help regulate my cycles and just support my fertility in general.  I was taking close to 10 vitamins/supplements daily to help with ovulation and egg quality.  We began using Pre-seed lubricant before sex to help with sperm mobility. My egg number seemed to be just fine.  Nothing seemed to be working.  What was definitely not helpful were the “you just need to relax, it will happen” comments.  I get it, just don’t wanna hear it.

Toward the end of July, we talked to my OB about doing some rounds of Clomid.  The goal of treatment with Clomid is to normalize or induce ovulation by taking a 50 mg dose per day on days 3 through 7 or days 5 through 9 of a cycle.  Some call is a super ovulater.  It can be used for women who are ovulating but having unexplained infertility, which was me.   I have read that the pregnancy rate is this case is less than 10 percent, but we had to try everything at this point.  He agreed, because we had attempted to conceive for 6 cycles, to Rx the Clomid.  He would do up to 3 cycles, then recommended we move on to a fertility specialist to get to the outcome in a timely manner.

First Clomid cycle came and went.  I wasn’t surprised, success rates are highest on the second round.  I was tracking my temps, I had been ovulating and was going to acupuncture before and after ovulating.  We started our second round in late August.  I was taking it cycle days 5 through 9 due to my age.  It’s said that days 3-7 is taken to produce more quantity of eggs, and days 5-9 are taken for more quality eggs.  Around day 15, I expected to ovulate and I did get a temp shift.  However, the next day I had a crazy temp spike and that pattern zigzagged up and down for the next 2 weeks.  I had never had anything like this before.  I was looking online for help and talked to my acupuncturist and it seemed as if this pattern meant that I likely didn’t ovulate.  Temperatures typically stay high after ovulation and mine were dropping every other day.  Who doesn’t ovulate while taking a medication that makes you ovulate???  So, I gave up on cycle number 2 and to my disappointment, moved on.  I began making my fertility specialist consultation appointments.

Sitting at home one Wednesday, Max was napping and I realized that my period was due that day.  I had no symptoms either way, and had just ordered a new crop of ovulation strips and pregnancy tests, so I decided I would take a test.  I did, got in the shower and almost forgot about it.   When I  checked it 10 minutes later it was blazing positive.  Two ridiculously dark lines, unmistakable.  I immediately took another.  Also blazing!!   I was in total shock.  Everything my chart told me was there’s no way you are pregnant.  But, I was.  I was so happy and shocked and scared.  My heart rate on my fitbit was skyrocketed for the next 6 hours, I just couldn’t calm down.  Here I am at 15 weeks and thankful for every day.

I absolutely feel for couples struggling to get pregnant.  It is emotionally and physically draining, it’s tough on your marriage and your husband.  Psychologically feeling like my body was deceiving me was very hard to swallow, especially after enduring the loss we had last year. Having two of my closest friends pregnant at the time was also tough to handle.  Watching Max get bigger every day and fielding the ‘you guys are gonna try again, aren’t you’ questions just broke my heart.  We did everything we could think of and are so thankful that it worked out in our favor.  I would absolutely recommend acupuncture to everyone as soon as you begin trying, if not before.  I do believe that helped me the most.  If we get crazy next year, even at 40, and decide to go for number 3, I will begin acupuncture a few months before we even try.  First, let’s get Max’s little sibling home safe and sound.  That is our first priority.

 

Long Beach fun

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This summer, we took a little weekend trip to Long Beach.  Max was at the beach when I was pregnant with him and again when he was 7 weeks old.  Since he is nearly 2.5, we thought it was time to take him to the ocean and thought he might like the aquarium there.  Boy, did he ever…

We stayed just down the street from the Queen Mary.

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The hotel was nice and had a kick ass breakfast buffet that came in handy each morning.  We had to take a shuttle to downtown Long Beach, but it was really quick and Max liked riding the bus.

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We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific and it was really cool.  He was amazed by everything in there.  He loved watching the little sharks swim around, liked any and all fish, and liked the penquins.

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We saw some pretty beautiful stuff there.  It was a really fun day.

Max slept in a pack n play in the living area and he did surprisingly well.   He sat through all meals really well, took his naps, went to bed late and slept at night.   He adjusted like a champ.

We ended up at the beach late the first day around 6pm, and wanted to see how he would do.  He doesn’t remember ever seeing the ocean and he loved it.  He kept running up to the water edge and letting it chase him back.  We couldn’t get him to leave.  The water was, of course, freezing cold.

We went to Mother’s beach, geared toward kids the last day we were there and he got to play a little in the water (he wasn’t a huge fan),  in the sand, and on a playground.  He also did not want to leave the beach this day either, but he was hours overdue for his nap.IMG_7495

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He got a paddle boat ride, a family bike ride, and a small train ride and he loved them all.

 

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We were so proud of our little guy and got his first major hotel stay under our belts.  Looking forward to many more in the future.

 

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My boy

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Max at 1 year

This is my boy, Maxwell Tucker.  He is my joy.  I cannot imagine life without him.  I can’t believe he turned two in February.  It blows my mind!  He is getting so big and so much smarter every single day.

Max was born Feb, 26, 2014.  He was due on the 17th, but apparently felt pretty comfy in utero, so there he stayed until eviction via C-section.  My pregnancy with him was very easy.  I was lucky.  Little to no sickness, not a whole lot of weight gain or heartburn, just some feet in my rib cage for a couple of months.

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36 weeks
36 weeks

He sat very high up, even after his due date, he never seemed to drop.  I had a scheduled induction that went nearly 24 before it turned into a c-section due to failure to dilate.  I just stopped at 7cm and no matter what we did, I didn’t move any further.  So, out he came at 8lbs, 6oz and this poor boy looked beat up.  Poor thing was being squeezed for about 18 hours, no wonder he looked so rough.  After a day or so, he looked a lot better.

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2.5 weeks old

Max was a good little baby.  He slept a lot the first few months (the 4th trimester) and he ate really well.  He wasn’t particularly fussy, liked being held by anyone, and was generally happy.  He liked to eat!  I could count on him needing fed every 3 hours on the dot.  This would continue until at least a year old.  He was a pacifier baby, aka binky, and still uses it for sleeping (and traveling, lol).  One of these days we will strip it from him, but probably not for a few months.

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6 months

Sleep is one thing that it took awhile for him to get a handle on, he was not a good sleeper.  He ate so often, even through the night that he just never got into a sleep through the night pattern.  Yes, I could have just made him cry at night around 5-6 months old until the pattern was broken, but I chose to get my ass up and feed my baby.  It’s just now starting to fade, all the memories of horribly lost sleep and middle of the night crying.  By the baby and me, both.  The first six months to a year is a cruel cocktail of hormones, lack of sleep, dirty diapers and pure panic.  It’s tough.  But you get through it and you want that little snuggler back.  This is why second babies come along.  Max probably slept through the night around 14 months and we were ecstatic!  It felt unbelievable!  Then around 18 months he went through another rough patch, and we suffered through that too.

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He started walking around 11 months, and it felt like he immediately ran.  He was saying  quite a few words by about 15 months or so.  Now he is using small sentences and it’s seriously the cutest thing ever.  He definitely enjoys communicating with us, and the dogs.  He has a little bit of a temper when things aren’t going his way, and he gets that from daddy.  He lets himself get worked up over dropping a toy when he didn’t want to or if his cars fall off the ramp.  It’s just something we will work on with him.

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The first 2 years were definitely challenging, but worth every second.  We lost his baby sister in November, but fortunately he was still so young that he didn’t understand what had happened.  We are working on another sibling for him and hopefully that will happen soon, I would like them as close together as possible.  But until then, we will eat this kid up, every bit of him.  He is such a good boy, most of the time.   Every day he surprises us and cracks me up.  He is a mama’s boy right now for the most part, but when daddy gets home he gets so excited.  I couldn’t ask for more from a rambunctious 2-year-old toddler, and am looking forward to teaching him new things and watching him explore the world as a little man.

 

 

 

 

 

Feed my toddler or pull my hair out?

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My happy little eater

Boy, do I have a picky eater!  Most kids go through this stage at some point, but I thought I’d have a little more time.  This picture was taken about a year ago, when I could give him just about anything and he would at least shove it into his mouth and try it.   Look at that happy face!

Those days are long gone.  The struggle began to start probably around 16-18 months old.  Max was breast fed for an entire year, and started solids using baby led weaning around 6 months.   IMG_4178He really did well trying new foods.  He loved all kinds of fruits, sweet potatoes, most veggies, yogurt, cheese, pork roast, eggs.  I didn’t give him any sugary foods until well after a year old.   Then it started to taper off last summer.  When I would put the shredded meat on his tray he would just drop it on the floor.  Same with the veggies, with the exception of sweet potatoes, which is one of the things he will still eat (usually).

As the list of foods narrowed slowly each week,  I became more and more frustrated (=angry).   There were days where I had to talk myself off the ledge and just wanted to pull my hair out.  The most annoying thing is how he’ll gobble something down one week, then the next week won’t even touch it.  GRRRRRR!!!!  You just ate that last week and loved it!!!  It’s been so many months that his diet has sucked now that I’ve been able to get a grip on myself.  I have to remind myself to leave it alone, and not let it ruin my day.  This is a common toddler power struggle and my stubborn temperamental prince has a good handle on this one.  So, I’m trying to let it go.

I do a lot of searching for nutritious recipes and healthy ways to get him to try new things.   I’ve read hundreds of articles about how to get your toddler to eat.  And I’m over it.  I really can’t read one more article or post or suggestion about how to get him to eat broccoli.  And why do the suggestions all sound so smug and condescending?  – Just give him what everyone else is eating, and if that’s all he has he’ll eat it.  -Put a vegetable on his plate every day, eventually he’ll eat it.  -Start with vegetables first.  I’ve tried all of these things and more.   The more I read them, the more I want to reach through my screen and throat punch some random lady whose kids seem to be perfect.

Right now this isn’t going to happen the way I want it to.  I’m ok with that.  I’m not going to blame myself or spend endless hours whipping up crazy ways to hide veggies in his food.  That doesn’t make me a bad mom.   I’ve read lots of posts where kids are eating mostly pizza and sugar and I wouldn’t do that either.  Everyone has to handle their children the best they know how.  I plan on waiting him out for a little while and when that doesn’t work he’ll sit at the table until he gags his veggies down, the way I did when I was little.  I think 2 is just a little early for that tactic.

As for now, he will not touch any meat products, no green veggies, barely any fruits.  He has never eaten white potatoes (not even fries dipped in anything), won’t try pizza, chicken fingers, pasta, mac’n’cheese, avocados, or raw or frozen veggies.  It’s impossible to eat out with him, he won’t even eat the crap food on the kid menu.   I made these muffins yesterday and was surprised how good they were since the batter looked like vomit.   They have a ton of veggies, but a lot of apple taste.  He won’t eat them, not even with peanut butter.   In the freezer they’ll go for a month or so and I’ll attempt again later on.  That’s what I get for busting out my food processor.

As disappointed as I am, I do attempt healthy choices as often as I can muster.  It’s honestly exhausting.  He knows he has total control over his mealtime right now and he’s using it.  I’m sure this stage will pass.  We are basically living on waffles, sweet potatoes, pancakes made from sweet potatoes, veggie pouches, applesauce, cottage cheese, cheese sticks, yogurt, PB toast, blueberries, grapes.  Sometimes eggs, oatmeal.  Then there are some snack foods he’s really loving, but they aren’t staples.  I haven’t even mentioned his severe cashew allergy.  Thank God those aren’t put in everything and PB doesn’t bother him.

He seems to be growing just fine, so for now I have to let it go.  It’s my job as a mom to give him healthy choices and I will continue to do that.  I don’t spend as much time now trying to look up new ideas about how to feed him.  He’s in the driver seat for this one, and eventually I’ll wear him down or his texture issues will disappear like magic.  One thing I won’t do is pretend like my kid is ideal or that I have a grip on everything.  I don’t, and I don’t for a minute need anyone to think that I do.  Nothing is more frustrating than that mom whose kid always sleeps through the night, eats everything, and never throws tantrums.  Maybe she’s incredibly lucky, or just terribly insecure.  I got a rough sleeper whose now a very picky eater.  That’s what raising kids is all about.  All I can hope is my next one sleeps and eats on demand.  Ya, I’m gonna go with that.  Good luck to all you mommas in the kitchen.  The struggle is real.